


Lunacy of the Gods

by Sashataakheru



Series: Pisces Rising - Astrological Dystopia AU [3]
Category: The Move RPF
Genre: 750words, Alternate Universes, Divination, Exile, Gen, Gods and Goddesses, Hallucinations, Madness, Mental Illness, Oracles, Schizophrenia, Slavery, Survival, astrological dystopia, desert wanderings, idek
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-21
Updated: 2013-06-02
Packaged: 2017-12-09 02:46:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/769068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sashataakheru/pseuds/Sashataakheru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Gods first destroy those whom they wish to send mad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I was promised to Dionysos and Apollon, and that, perhaps, was where it all went wrong. They don't screen you when you enter the Oracle. If the Gods say you must be there, then you will be there. Or, more correctly, if the Seers say you will come to the Oracle and be a Seer yourself, then that is what will happen. They don't care that you're not ready, or that you don't want it. They saw my sensitivity as a virtue, and bound me to the two maddest Gods they could have found. No wonder I bloody left. 

I think I have the dubious honour of being the only Seer who ever just up and left one night, rather than being exiled like all the rest. It's a well-kept secret that some Seers just don't stay. Some of 'em do just leave, or they go mad, or they just get sick of it all and bugger off to live on the streets where it's calmer. I tried that, being a bum, but the Gods still followed me around, and it was just too loud. I needed the silence of the road and the desert. 

I knew there was more out there than we were ever told about. Apollon had told me as much. He kept telling me there was this place out there, where all the other Seers went when they went mad, and that I'd find a home there if I wanted it. He showed me a vast oasis, a huge river, and some dark caves, but I wasn't interested in other people. Other people are too loud, too energetic. I hate being around 'em, because it it's like they all sap me dry, so there's no energy left fer predictions. 

That's mostly why I left. Couldn't deal with the people anymore. Packed a few things, nicked some food and a bike, and bloody legged it. Told Apollon I wanted isolation and asked him to show me where I might find it. But by the Gods, I didn't think He'd listen to me. 

You get used to being a Seer and how you relate to the Gods. You serve them like a slave, bound to them through rituals that are designed to hold you there and make you obedient. When I served my Gods, I wore a bloody collar and had me arms chained together, like we all had to do, because we were just the Seers, just doing our bloody job. We ain't had no free will. Free will doesn't exist in that world. Everything is dictated by the Gods, and you obey because the uncertainty will kill you. No one likes being unsure. Everyone wants to know what they're meant to be doing, because it calms 'em. They don't half worry anymore, worrying about what they're meant to do with their lives. No, we tell 'em, and they love us for it. 

But we're not Gods. We're enslaved by the Gods. I still have my collar on. It's impossible to remove, cos the High Seer holds the keys, and I didn't bother nicking them before I left. I still bear the marks of a Seer, with the mad eyes, and the pale skin, and the absent-mindedness. Always off with the fairies, I am, because that's how we're taught to be, so we're always listening in for the Gods.

Bloody nuisance, though. I can't half concentrate on anything, and it's been so hard to live out here on my own. I gotta think about things like, where the fuck am I sleeping? What am I even going to eat? How can I stop meself getting robbed? Those stupid basic normal person things no one bloody teaches us because we're bloody Seers, and we don't need to think about 'em at all. We just do our thing, we listen for the Gods and write down their words, and nothing else is left for us to worry about. 

It's horrid, I hate it so much, but it has grounded me a little. The longer I've been out here, the more I've had time to let meself just calm down, and learn how to be a normal person. I can survive pretty well right now, though it's so daftly lonely out here I'm sure I'm going to have to go find some company eventually. Supplies are getting low, and there's fuck all out here. I ain't seen a new town for miles. I know there's gotta be a new town out there somewhere, but man, I might have to travel another month before I find it. So bloody terrible, and the desert winds are bothering me again. 

But what do I know? I got no map. I just got me bike, and some supplies, and I'm making my own way around the place. Maybe I'll just end up dead eventually. I wrote down so many fates I can't half remember which one was ever meant to be mine. Was I meant to live til I was 108, or was I the one who died drowning in a ditch? Did I make it to safety, or was I killed somewhere? I got too much in me 'ead now, and no way to clear it. Why bother trying to live by my fate when I don't know what it is? Living day by day is easier. I don't have to think anymore. I can just set those memories aside, and try to survive. 

Apollon's been chatting to me again, telling me I've got to go to that oasis. He said it's out there somewhere, where all the other mad Seers live, but I ain't keen to go. I'm not sure living with other mad bastards is going to do me any good. I'd rather chance it on my own, and make my own future. I can't imagine living with other mad Seers will amount to much at all. If they're unfit to be Seers anymore, they're going to all be dead soon enough. I'd rather not live out the rest of my life there. No, I don't mind making my home an oasis, but it won't be that one, that's for sure.


	2. Alone and Undefended

I saw someone today, someone who wasn't a Seer. Off in the distance, there he was, riding his bike through the ruins. I didn't know who he was, but he wasn't a Seer. I ain't never seen anyone who wasn't a Seer out here in the ruins. I followed him, keeping to the shadows, trying to see if he was a hunter. I heard about them, hunters who go out looking for exiled Seers to enslave. Been scared witless of 'em. Not sure I'd be strong enough to escape 'em, if they decided to catch me. 

I watched 'im, this man with the bike. He'd set up camp in an old house with half a roof. Then I saw another man with him, who seemed to be talking to him. Looked older, and wore a silly hat with a feather in it. Silently, like a shadow, I found my way across the road to watch them, peering out from the window. He lit a fire, and began cooking a meal. 

He didn't look much like a hunter, though, not from what I could see. Looked too young. I couldn't quite hear what he was talking about to the other man. I couldn't half look at him, he made me 'ead go mental. Loud screamin', and all that. But he did kinda glow, like when Seers are channelling. Perhaps there was a god with him, whoever this young kid was. 

I felt Apollon leave me then. Like, it was if He'd closed the doors to me, and I weren't able to hear Him anymore. That's what it felt like. Dionysos was still there, just a little, but it was as if the sight of that other god presence had scared Apollon off. I asked Dionysos what to do, but all He said was that this weren't their territory anymore. They'd been told to leave. He said He'd keep a watch over me, but He had to go. 

I just panicked then. I didn't know what to do without me gods. Being alone, with another god telling my gods to leave, was frightening. I'd become used to the twins' madness. Who was trying to isolate me? Was someone angry at me? Was I wrong to leave? Maybe the gods were trying to punish me.

A voice called to me then, from across the road. I couldn't understand the words, not then, and I kept hidden, not wanting to be discovered. Maybe he was a hunter, after all. 

A man was standing in front of me when I dared to open my eyes, though I could barely look at him at all, and covered my face. He had a presence, he did, like a god. I recognised 'im as the man with the feather in 'is hat, the one talking to the boy.

_Who are you?_ , I asked. _Are you going to kill me?_

He spoke, and 'is voice shot through me like Zeus had struck me with a thunderbolt. I knew He was a god, then, though I didn't know which one it might be. Maybe it was Zeus Himself. I can't even remember what He said, but then I just remember Him picking me up, and I was carried over to the boy I'd been watching and left on the ground. 

I think he looked as startled to see me as I was to see him. I was too frightened to move. He didn't look too pleased to see me, though. 

_Are you a hunter?_ , I asked. _Are you going to enslave me?_

_I'd really like to leave you here to die, **Seer**_ , he replied, _but Hermes said you're coming with us._

He didn't look at me after that. He just took his food and moved away. I got half a sense of his fate, from what my brain remembered. He looked like one of them abandoned ones, one of them ones who were given a bad fate. Maybe we'd told him he was going to die young. I wouldn't be too fond of us Seers either if I'd been told that. I jus' kept hearing his voice, like how he called me a Seer, how it was filled with venom, over and over in me 'ead. _Seer._ I knew he hated me. Could see it in how he sneered at me as I looked at the food still hanging over the fire. It smelt so delicious, but I dared not touch it, even though I was starving.

_Please, can I eat? I have not eaten for days_ , I said. I wanted to reach for the food, but he might kill me anyway if I tried.

He didn't reply. I turned to see Hermes sit beside me and hand me a bowl of food. He didn't look how I expected Him to look, but I knew it was Him. He touched my shoulder.

_Eat, Seer, that you may make the journey across the desert_ , Hermes said.

_But I don't want to cross the desert_ , I protested.

_It is foretold_ , was all Hermes said, as if that was enough of an explanation.

I knew enough not to question a god like Mercury. If He said it was foretold, well, there might not be anything I could do about it. I settled a little, ate what little there was to eat, though I was still not sure why I had been chosen for this. The boy continued to ignore me, and I wondered if he might ever come to trust me.

We didn't speak until nightfall. He handed me a blanket and a jacket to use as a pillow, and said we would head off early the next day to find the old trade route. I didn't really know what he was talking about, but I was grateful for the bed. I kept away, making my bed against the far wall as we went to sleep.

I didn't really sleep, though. I kept asking for Apollon and Dionysos. I missed Their presence, but They remained painfully absent. I had never lived so long without Them there, except before I moved to the Oracle to begin training as a Seer. I asked Hermes, too, why I was here, but He just kept saying that it was foretold, and I should not question it. I accused Him of being a malicious spirit trying to trick me, and that Hermes would not lead someone into a hostile desert. But He just said it was foretold, and that I must trust that He was going to bring us to safety in an old Roman city. 

It brought me no comfort at all, and I spent the night worrying about what was to happen. I had not come out here to cross the desert. As far as I knew, the desert was all there was. I had never heard of the Roman cities that lay beyond it. I thought they didn't exist anymore. Our lore taught us that the Roman empire died seven centuries ago when barbarians wiped it off the face of the earth. How could there still be Romans living across the desert? I ain't believed a word of it then, and I still don't, even though Hermes and that boy still say there's a city there that's waiting for us. I'm afraid I'm about to be trapped and taken prisoner, locked up and enslaved by human masters that are crueller to me than the gods Themselves.


	3. See My Point Of View

I can't remember much of the past ... I don't even know how long it's been. The last thing I remember is Hermes leading us into a cave, and after that? Nothing at all. Woke up to find meself in a cave. Kind of assuming it's the same one. It's hard to tell with caves. They all look the bloody same to me.

I can feel Dionysos and Apollon again, though, like They're allowed to be here with me now. I like that. I've missed them so much since I was brought along by Hermes and that kid. We're still not really talking, though. I showed him me scars, told him what I'd been through, but he didn't seem to care. I dunno why I bother. I might leave him here, or let him go alone. I'm not sure it's worth trying to forge a relationship anymore.

Apollon's just said I can't, though. I can't leave him. The Fates said we make it to the Roman city together, and Dionysos said I wouldn't survive out in the desert on me own, anyway.

* * *

Not sure how long it's been. Still not really sure. Found another exiled Seer taking care of us. Nursed us all back to health, thank Asklepios. Now we're with these weird tribesmen, who are taking us as far through the desert as they can. I ain't seen Hermes for days, but I think He's still around. Dionysos is still chatting to me, keeping me company. He tells me all He knows, and I try to record it as best I can.

That boy's name is Trevor, or so I found out. No idea why he seems to hate me so much. He won't talk to me. He weren't too keen on the other Seer, either, the one looking after us. Kept watching him in case he, like, wanted to attack him or something. Weird. If I was closer to him, I might have a better idea of what's wrong with him. 'mean, I can understand the abandoned ones not liking us cos we tell 'em they're not going to have a great life. The abandoned ones turn out to be the criminals, the homeless, those left on the wayside by the rest of the State. The ones who will die in jail, or end up dead on the streets. The ones no one cares about who have been abandoned by the Gods and fate. 

It weren't til I was out on the streets meself that I learnt about how much they hated us. Like, it's not even my choice. I'd be giving happy fates to everyone if I had any choice in it, but at the Oracle, when we're doing the fates, we just write down what the Gods dictate. We don't write 'em ourselves. But they blame us for their troubles because we're the ones telling 'em about their bad news. Their terrible fates. 

I did meet a couple of lads out there who didn't treat me badly. They understood the slavery I was under and didn't hold their fates against me. I stayed a long time with them before I left the city. I appreciated their friendship. They helped me adjust to the madness and being a normal person, who has to eat on their own, and find somewhere to sleep, and who has to figure out for themselves how to survive. 

Maybe Trevor was one of 'em, those kids out on the streets that I never ran into. They live a lot in the abandoned suburbs, where no one looks anymore. But it's so vast that there's no way I ever saw all of it. There are even farms out there, y'know. Like, some kids, they learnt to farm, and grow crops, and they nick animals to raise. Some of 'em are pretty self-sufficient out there. For abandoned kids, I reckon they've done alright. They trade between themselves, and there's even one homestead that offers food to the homeless in return for work on the farm. They're really popular out there. Not enough work for the demand.

Weird to see all that, though. Like, I ain't never seen much of anything else but the Oracle since I went to live there. I ain't seen anything else of the city. I didn't know how everyone else really lived. Those memories were nicked from me cos I was too young. Don't remember much. Vague memories of me parents, but not much else. Everything else is the Oracle.

* * *

I asked him why he hated me today. Out there, stopping by a small oasis, I asked Trevor why he hated me. I told him it ain't us making up the oracles. We just deliver 'em. I showed him the chains, the scars, how we're enslaved and treated in the Oracle. I talked about what I'd done when I'd left, when I went out and lived on me own. I did everything I could think of to try to win his trust.

_I was abandoned by the Gods_ , was all he ever said in reply. 

_Hermes did not abandon you_ , I countered.

He did smile a little, then. I saw Hermes come and sit near him, and touched his shoulder. _No, Hermes did not abandon me. But the rest of 'em did. My fate was sealed. The city knew the Gods had seen that I would become a criminal, so that's how they treated me. I got no respect for anyone who was part of that system._

I told him, _I nearly went mad serving the Gods. I wasn't ready. I wasn't able to handle the madness. The Gods picked me, but I didn't want it. I wanted to do something else, but I am a Seer now, and I can't change that for anything. I got the marks, I got the broken open skull. I got the Gods chatting in my head all the bloody time. It's bloody enslavement, and don't let no other Seer tell you otherwise. They exile the ones who don't want to play by their rules, and get rich off the rest. It's a corrupt bloody system, and I hate that I was part of it._

He looked at me, but I couldn't read his expression. _I ain't never heard a Seer talk about it like that. They never say those things. All the ones I met outside the city walls, all the broken ones, they ain't never said that._

I shrugged. _They're too mad to know, probably. But, I dunno, maybe it was different back then. Maybe it wasn't so corrupt. But it is now. The High Seers charge too much for oracles, they hoard all the offerings, and the rest of us bloody Seers, who do all the hard work, we get fuck all for our service. So we're all bloody chasing the High Seer status. We keep fighting for it because it means an end to our horrid bloody lives. We spend all day in chains, Trev. They lock us up and don't let us come out until we've got all our oracles done. It's horrible. So I bloody ran away. It was better than the life I was leading. That's why I left._

He didn't say anything for a while, like he needed time to take it all in. _You told me my fate. That's why I hate you. But perhaps I shouldn't have. I mean, it's the system that's fucked up, right? You probably didn't have much choice in the matter._

I nodded. _The system is fucked. It's fucked over us all._


	4. Alone, Accompanied

There's another Seer with us. I don't know him, or, I can't remember him. He speaks of Dionysos, of Apollon, of all the riches of the Oracle itself, but he's still unfamiliar to me. I watch him as he writes of what he's been through, recalling all he witnessed in the Oracle. I don't speak to him, though. He's a little scary, and he has these wild, manic eyes that just pierce right through to me soul.

Apparently he saved us. From the sandstorm. I ain't half remembering that, either. All I remember is Apollon cradling me in His arms as I fell asleep in some dingy cave. I don't remember anything else apart from waking up in a cave with that other Seer watching over me. Might've been the same cave. Mght've been a different one. Can't bloody tell when yer half-confused and it's dark, and all you know is that the last place you were, was a cave, and that's where you still seem to be.

He tried to remove my collar, y'know. That Seer, he wanted to free me from it, but I stopped him. I ain't ready to be free of it, not yet. I even saw him tear his cloak and make bandages from it. I was horrified to see him desecrating our sacred robes in such a way. Mad bastard. Been out here too long. Don't know what he's doing anymore.

The other bloke, the young boy, he's still hostile to me. He don't talk to me, but he does make sure I have some food, and someplace warm to sleep. But that's about it. He don't do nothing else for me. I don't know why, but I ain't interesting in pestering him about it. I doubt he'd really appreciate it, anyway.

Don't mind Hermes, though. He's alright. He talks to me, at least. Sometimes, He's the only one I have to talk to when I can't sleep at night. Like, I'm lying awake in the middle of the desert, and there's all this wind howling all around us, and I can't sleep because the wind is speaking too quickly for me to understand. Hermes, He just sits beside me and I can't help feeling like maybe He cares about me. He talks to me about all the stars in the sky, and tells me stories about them. He holds me in His arms, and I feel safe. He strokes my head gently, and whispers how much He'd like to take the madness away. I ain't never felt that safe with a god who weren't Apollon or Dionysos before.

But I know He can't, though. Take the madness away. I know I'm stuck this way, and I hate it. I hate it so much. I know I'm never going to be normal, and it hurts me. My gods - being a Seer - send me Pasithea's curse, and I ain't never gonna be free of it. I hear the wind whispering to me all the time, particularly out here in the desert, and there's nothing I can do to make it stop. All Hermes can do is deafen me from time to time, to give me some solace, but even that makes it worse, cos then my brain just makes up its own voices, and those scare me more than the wind does. Like something out of Hades' domain. Shades of spirits haunting my eyes, living in the small corners, just out of sight. Drives me mad, it does.

* * *

I can only find comfort with Hermes now. The other Seer and the boy still don't talk, either, and neither of 'em talk to me. It's a daft lonely journey, with all of us refusing to speak to the other, so we all walk along in silence, with Hermes trying to make it better. I know it hurts Him, that we don't speak. I'm trying. I'm trying to like 'em, but they don't seem to want to know me. Maybe I'll leave them one day. Sneak away one night when they're asleep and they'll never find me. They'll never see me then, and they won't miss me, neither.

But Hermes says He won't let me stray. He holds me close, tugs on the collar around my neck, and I find meself bonded to Him, now. Weird thing, really. I don't mind, but I do ask if I can have Dionysos and Apollon back. I miss Them terribly. Hermes is almost willing to let me, I know He is, but not yet. He's all I have, in the meantime.

But it's not so bad, not really. He does His best to make me laugh, and He tries to bring cheer and good fortune. He always has a shelter for us to sleep in, and lots of food, so it's not like we're starving out here. I know we'll make it to Nova Roma. Hermes is taking too good a care of us for us to fail now. But I don't half know what we're meant to do when we get there. I doubt there'll be some sort of bloody parade, where we'll be brought in and hailed as heroes. Nah, I don't think that'll happen.

I've asked Hermes what's meant to happen, but He won't say, not yet, except that He's been reaching out to His followers in Rome to see if He can find someone to meet us, to let them know we're coming. He says he found someone, a boy in a library, but He won't say much more than that. Sad, really. I'd have loved to know more. Maybe I'll know when I meet them, if they're waiting out for us at the gates of the city.

Knowing our luck, though, it'll probably be some sort of army waiting to meet us. They'll have heard we're coming, and gone out to make sure we don't get to the city. I know they think we're mad. The Romans have never liked us, and I'm afraid we'll end up in prison when we get to the city, or taken to the arena. I've been dreaming about it all every night for a week. I keep seeing the 1st Legion camped outside the western gates, and they're out there with their swords and their battlements, prepared to defend the city. I see them all in their gleaming armour, waiting for us.

There's a man I see, the commander, and I see him always praying to Ares for victory. I'm scared of him. He's always bloody sharpening his sword, and making strange sacrifices. I don't understand him when he speaks, so I don't know what he's saying to Ares when he's praying to Him. Maybe he's cursing us. Maybe he's trying to scare us away, in case we get as far as the gate. I ain't never liked Ares, anyway. Scary bastard. I don't like the thought we're about to walk into a Legion's camp. I really don't like that at all. Is it too late to walk away?


	5. Lost and Delirious

I don't know where I am. 

I mean, I do, I'm in this big bloody Roman city. But it's so vast, I doubt I'll ever see all of it. It scares me, being outside. I spent so long in the Oracle that going outside, to where the public was, became terrifying. The madness didn't help, not at all, and even now, even now when I close myself in with the Apollonians here in this city and sleep in with Apollon's icon, because it makes me feel safe, it's still bloody terrifying. 

I ain't left the temple since I got here, really. Not fer much at all. Left that soldier and his villa behind, and moved into the temple with Apollon. I don't much like the people, but neither does the other Seer. But we get on well enough that I don't want to leave, because they speak my language and it ain't so bad when I'm with 'em. 

Still don't know what I'm meant to be doing here. I ask Apollon every night for a dream, to send me some help. I don't know why I ended up in this strange city, and I'd like to know why the Gods have done this to me. Crossed that bloody desert, went half bloody mad, and now They expect me to just make a new life in a Roman city? Yeah, I don't think so, not without a bloody good reason.

But I got Dionysos back, though. I missed Him so much, not having Him chatting away to me all the time. His presence is helping me adjust to this strange place, though it's not easy to live with. I often hear Him singing softly to me as I drift off to sleep, like He's just sitting there, being all paternal as He makes sure His Seer is sleeping peacefully. I heard Him once petitioning Pasithea and Hypnos to send me sweet dreams. And once, I felt His arms around me, like He were cradling me close to His body as I fell asleep. I missed Him so much while Hermes was guiding us through the desert, and I can't bear to be apart from Him. I mean, I love Apollon too, and being at His feet when I fall asleep is a comforting presence, but He got nothing on Dionysos.

* * *

It's been a week or so since I last wrote in here. I've been outside, just the once, for a festival in honour of Apollon. We took His image out into the street, presented Him in front of the temple, and offered Him a vast feast. I'm still getting used to doing actual religion again. I don't seem to think we did much of it at the Oracle, except for divining for wisdom. We didn't tend to their worship; we were running an Oracle, and that wasn't the same thing at all. We did weekly sacrifices, yeah, because it had been requested of us, but we didn't spend all our waking hours tending to the god's care. We were Seers, not priests. 

But I'm a priest now, or so it seems. I've tried to get 'em to begin cleaning up the temple. It's such a wreck right now, though I can't hardly blame 'em for it, if they've been suffering so much here in Rome. Still, I think Apollon deserves a better place of worship than a run-down old temple, so I've been petitioning that soldier we stayed with when we first got here to see if he'll help us fix up the place. He's a patrician, from an old family, with a lot of money. He let us into his library when we first got here, and Apollinaris and I spent all our time reading the old scrolls, finding out about all the history that we'd never been told about. Did you know he had a scroll in there that had a proper account of the war that separated our cities six hundred years ago? Like, I actually know what happened now, and I've been so shocked to see just how much we weren't ever told about. 

Apollinaris has taken it harder than me, though. He had such faith in the words and the teachers we had, but it turns out the city tells lies to everyone. I can't trust anything they say anymore, and I'm still getting used to what that really means. I've read about so many things I never even knew about, and all I can think is that maybe that's why the Gods have sent us here. They want us to know the truth about what's happened to us, the real truth, and this is how They've done it. I know Dionysos keeps asking me to read things, to keep reading the scrolls and talking to the other priests, so I can find out what's really been going on. Maybe that's why all His Seers have left the city. Maybe He's been trying with all of 'em to see if any could survive the trip across the desert, but we're the only ones who made it, so it's down to us.

I'm still not sure if this means we're going to have to go home again, though. The Gods don't seem to be indicating a return one way or another, so perhaps it isn't our task to inform the old city about what's going on. Maybe it's just about us, then. It's hard to know when They're so silent. But I'm going to keep on asking, and keep on reading, and maybe one day, I'll know what's really going on, and why I'm here.


End file.
